Sunday Game Notes: What Is That, Velvet?

OK, I wasn't sure if I was going to do Game Notes today or not, but I think Keyshawn's blue velvet suit just sealed it. One of my favorite movie scenes of all time is the barbershop scene in Coming to America.

"What is that, velvet? That's beaut-ee-ful."

I gotta see if I can find that clip...

Damnit! No clip on youtube.

Kenny Mayne cracks me up. Kim Il Zong: "I crush defenders with my size eight feet."

Uh-oh. Chargers DT Luis Castillo injured on the first offensive play of the game. He's an important run-stopper for the Bolts.

Shawne Merriman's "sack dance" is one of the gayest things I've seen. . . .made even more lame by the fact that he's celebrating Manning taking himself to the ground.

I hope coaches around the league are taking notes from Belichick, Del Rio, and Dungy. Neither the Jags nor the Pats score on their first drives last night if they play it the traditional conservative football way and punt on fourth and short. It pays to be aggressive on 4th down, and nobody is more aggressive than Del Rio & Belichick. I read an article 10-12 years ago that toyed around with the idea of what football would be like in the future. One of the main points was that more coaches would go for a first down on 4th & short because it just makes more sense strategically as well as statistically. That said, I realize it's a lot easier to convert 4th downs when you have Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, or Maurice Jones-Drew.

Manning with a laser to Dallas Clark, and just like that, the Colts have the lead. Manning doesn't want to be left out of the discussion after Brady's brilliant performance last night.

There's a perfect example of Philip Rivers' lack of arm strength hurting him again. If you ever want to see if a QB has adequate arm strength, look no further than that sideline out throw.

How in the hell is that a catch?! Instant replay in the NFL is a complete and utter joke. A dismal failure. There's absolutely no consistency whatsoever. I have no clue what constitutes a catch in this league and what does not. It changes from play to play. What a joke replay has become. Are the refs dolts? Or, more likely, do the actual rules need work? You're not splittin' atoms under that hood. A catch is a catch. That one was not a catch. Steve Smith's against the Cowboys was. You don't even need instant replay to know that. They get so confused under that hood...

Did Dan Dierdorff just call Dallas Clark "one of the finest all-around football players in the NFL today?" Interesting. Hyperbole, but interesting nonetheless. Maybe Dierdorff is like Dick Vitale. He has approximately 56 guys who are all-around best players in the NFL.

Marvin! He's alive. . . .and fumbling.

I have no stake in this game, and I'm still livid about that replay call. Just can the whole system. It's an embarrassing waste.

So Vincent Jackson's performance the past five quarters begs the question: how did they leave him out of the game plan for the entire second half of the season? Is it just a natural result of Gates' injury? Or did they concentrate so hard on establishing the run and getting newcomer Chambers involved that Jackson got remaindered?

Tomlinson pulls a Chris Brown...er, coughs it up inside the 10. His own teammate falls on it. Luck-eee!

Rivers with a nice pump fake and a perfect pass to our guy Vincent Jackson for a leaping TD. It's such an advantage in the red zone when you have tall receivers.

Still waiting to see Merriman's "I dropped a sure interception" dance. That guy's a tool.

Wow! That was an interesting stat. Vinatieri hadn't made a FG over 40 yards this whole season until that one. I'm not sure what that means outside of its fluky nature, but I found it interesting.

I think a lot of people were too quick to write off Marvin Harrison as washed up. . . .and just as quick to install Anthony Gonzalez as the latest dynasty WR stud. Marvin's a nice buy-low bounceback candidate for 2008.

Uh-oh. How badly is Tomlinson hurt? He'll be back in shortly. . . .Meanwhile, nice run by Burner. He'll be starting for somebody next year.

Doink! Nate Kaeding doesn't exactly have the staunchest clutch playoff record, does he? Remember that missed FG his rookie season? This one could have tied the game. Ouch.

Good idea. Just let Dallas Clark roam free across the middle. Manning will snub him as usual. Didn't you clowns see the commercial? "Clark."

The nose of the football hit the ground on Gonzalez' catch, which means there's no telling what they'll decide in replay. This one could go either way. I've seen quite a few catches like that get overturned this year. Verdict: it's a catch. No clue what makes that one a catch while others are ruled incomplete. Just flip a coin from now on. It's more scientific.

Antonio Cromartie is the most athletic defensive back I've seen since Deion. That holding call just took six points off the board. BIG call. Update: after some hemming & hawing, twinkilling.com's Brad Spieser agrees on Antonio Cromartie. We brought up Champ Bailey, Charles Woodson, and Sean Taylor (and Brad thew out a young Deltha O'Neal), but we both agreed that Cromartie is more athletic than that crew. Though it should be noted that Brad thinks Sean Taylor may be the most athletic safety in NFL history....at least that's what I inferred.

Brad also is adamant that Weddle's block was great and in no way a holding call. I pointed out that the Chargers are getting jobbed on calls so far, but I don't think Brad was willing to go that far.

Oh, and before I forget, Brad and I talked about punt-returners for a second which reminded me that former All-Pro returner Rick Upchurch was supposed to have dated somebody famous. After a quick wiki-search, it was revealed that he dated and was engaged to our Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice in the 1970s. Now for the best part: She left him because, according to her biographer Marcus Mabry, "She knew the relationship wasn't going to work on an intellectual level." Tee-hee.

Coming out party for Vincent Jackson! He needs to be more involved in the Chargers' offense next season.

Where is LaDainian? The Chargers will miss his big-play ability, but Turner could be an advantage in pounding the ball. He looks good.

What a pass by Philip Rivers! I criticize him for a lot of things, but over the past two weeks he's made some of the prettiest throws I've ever seen. Nicely done, Phil-up.

Another interception by Peyton Manning. I would point to Manning's pre-2006 playoff (choking?) history if I believed he was truly unclutch. But I no longer believe that to be the case. He's just not as good as Brady, that's all.

Is Joseph Addai brittle? I don't know, but for some reason I worry about his ability to hold up to the pounding more than I do for other starting RBs.

Fantastic effort by Reggie Wayne, and it looks like a TD to me. Who is 29 for the Chargers? I hope it's not Cromartie because Wayne just destroyed him with that move.

Injury update: Joseph Addai & Bob Sanders back in for the Colts. LaDainian still sidelined for the Chargers. Advantage: Indy.

If the Chargers don't get a first down here, I think it's over. Indy doesn't look back...

Rivers! Clutch. Dierdorff = dork.

Look at that little Meggett, er Sproles, run! The Colts defense is fast. Sproles is faster. Shame on the Colts too. When the Chargers take Turner out of the game for Sproles, they're practically shouting, "we're going with a screen or a dump to Sproles here." At the very least, you know it's going to be a pass somewhere. I think Sproles' speed surprised them a bit there.

Psycho Rivers is heading to the locker room wolfing at Colts fans the whole way. Somebody needs to tell that geek to shut his yap. Nick Hardwick should have turned around and punched him in the adam's apple when Rivers smacked him on the arse. At least throw him in a quick headlock. Rivers is like a petulant child. If only white trash didn't ruin that whole "smacking your kid around" thing for the rest of us...

We have a Billy Volek sighting. Just throw it up for grabs like you normally do, Billy. Where's Drew Bennett when you need him?

Oh, Jay-sus. Who had the coverage on Anthony Gonzalez? Nice safety help there. Egregious blown coverage.

Alright! I found a nice fall-back channel for commercials. Travel Channel has a Yellowstone Park show on right now.

Chargers have to score at least a FG here with no Tomlinson or Rivers. That's a problem.

Legadu Naanee! Gump: It's a household name.

Billy Volek into the endzone. I'd love to see the Chargers pull this one out behind Volek & Burner. Hold 'em here, fellas.

Marvin Harrison noticeably absent on this key drive. Fourth down, will the Colts go for it here? I think you have to. And that's why. Because you have Peyton Manning, and they don't. Indy's going to try to churn some clock here before they score. I've seen Manning do this too many times before. Fourth down: HOLD 'EM! Giddy up!

Now get a first down, but don't run the ball into the pile every time while playing not to lose.

Dan Dierdorff: "Shawne Merriman is a pass-rushing son of a gun." I'm going to get Wilford Brimley to kick Dierdorff's ass after this game.

Don't give Manning the ball with that much time left! I almost hope the Colts win here. Gawd, I hate pussy playcalling like that. Coaches choke all time in these situations. Norvert's as tight as a G-string on a sumo wrestler. He's going to need a tractor to pull a needle out of his arsehole.

They stopped Manning! Colts lose. I'll take it.